Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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