I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
