i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
