that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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