There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
