i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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