Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
