just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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