Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
no you cant smoke seaweed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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