so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
