Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
