you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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