On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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