I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
