and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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