Kiss
Puke
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
