This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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