I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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