three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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