I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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