how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
