UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
