put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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