At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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