When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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