You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
