he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
