last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
