oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
