Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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