he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Found your dick twin last night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
