my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
