i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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