Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
