i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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