I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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