I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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