I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
