im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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