If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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