i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
