first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
