roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
