I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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