So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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