No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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