are you so shy because you have an std?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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