I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
