come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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