Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
