You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
