Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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