Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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