Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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