i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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