Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
