Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
