take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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