i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
