i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
