this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
