Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
