Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
