I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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