C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
