I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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