how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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