i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
