I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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