So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
