your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
