my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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