and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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