A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
