Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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