he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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