I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
