She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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