Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
