He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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