I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
