so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
