When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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