Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
