New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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