I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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