once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
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I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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